I dream about Madison and Elijah every night...Its almost like I live one life during the day while I'm awake without them but I live a totally second life with them while I'm dreaming... its always upsetting waking up because after a few seconds i realize its all been a dream... these dreams are not bad nor good...its like a whole day...the dreams consist of what i would be doing that day if they were here...Daniel and i look the same and act the same....its just what we would live like if we would have the twins...i never been able to say that i love dreaming until now...i cant wait to fall asleep so that i can see them again...the hardest part is waking up...it gets harder each morning...
I cannot explain how much i miss them....i cannot wait till i get to see them again...i know that we are nit ready yet....i know that financially we could not give them what they want...im sure we could qualify for aid but that would only cover the essentials...i firmly believe that we could not give our kids a life they deserve...when i am ready to have kids...and when i am ready to see them again i will gladly spoil them...but untill then...my dreams will have to do...
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